Making Courageous Decisions
Making Courageous Decisions is a pair-based exercise in which each person names something meaningful they have been putting off, is listened to in complete silence, hears back what the listener heard, saw and felt, and then rehearses the sentence they are afraid to say and the one they are afraid to hear. It closes with timed private journaling. Hubertie Kroon wrote it for the Transition Makers Toolbox, drawing on Brené Brown's work on vulnerability and Otto Scharmer's Theory U. Despite the name it is a personal development exercise, not a method for making group decisions.
Facilitation script
- 1
Frame courage as acting despite fear, tell a short personal story that names the fear, and agree confidentiality.
10 min - 2
Pairs: three minutes each to speak about something meaningful they have postponed, the value behind it and what holds them back. Listener silent and expressionless.
8 min - 3
Mirroring: three minutes each using what I heard, what I saw, what I felt. No advice.
7 min - 4
Popcorn reflection in the whole group on the experience of listening and being mirrored.
10 min - 5
Two sticky notes each in direct speech: a sentence that is hard to say and a sentence they fear hearing. Pairs practise saying and hearing them.
15 min - 6
Silent handwritten journaling, two minutes per read-out prompt.
12 min - 7
Closing round: one takeaway per person.
10 min
Tips
Your opening story sets the depth for the whole session, so tell something real but finished, and keep it under three minutes.
Explain the expressionless listening before it starts; without the reason it feels cold, with it people notice how much they normally steer a speaker with their face.
Agree confidentiality at the outset and let people pair with someone they do not report to.
Common pitfalls
A facilitator story that is either trivial or still raw. A trivial one keeps the whole group on the surface, and an unresolved one makes participants look after the facilitator
Listeners who nod, smile or murmur. The speaker starts performing for approval and the mirroring afterwards reflects the listener's reactions back, not the speaker's words
Mirroring that slips into advice. The speaker ends up defending their situation, and the rehearsal step starts from a position of being judged
Writing the sticky notes as descriptions instead of spoken sentences. 'Talk to my boss about workload' cannot be rehearsed; the exact words can
Running out of time before the journaling and closing round. People leave with strong feelings stirred up and no moment to settle or decide a next step
Variations
Larger groups: with more than 12 people, add a second facilitator and replace the popcorn reflection with a few voices only. Team version: when a team shares one conversation it has been avoiding, the pair rounds stay personal, and the sticky notes are written about that shared situation and collected anonymously afterwards. Online: breakout rooms for pairs work well; the sentences are written on paper and held up or spoken, and journaling is done off screen. Coaching: the sequence of silent listening, mirroring and sentence rehearsal can be run by a coach with a single client. The Transition Makers Toolbox contains a separate companion exercise on courage, 'Step Up Your Courage'.
Where it fits
When to use it
Participants in a leadership or development programme each carry a decision or conversation they have been postponing
People know what they want to do and the obstacle is fear of the reaction, not lack of information
A group has enough trust for personal topics and has agreed confidentiality
Someone needs to prepare the actual words for a hard conversation, such as giving notice, raising a conflict or asking for something
You have a private room, an even number of participants and 70 to 75 minutes without interruption
When not to use it
The group has to make a decision together. Use a decision method such as Consent Decision-Making or a Decision Matrix; this exercise works on individual avoidance
Participants have just met, or pairs would include a manager and their direct report. Disclosure under those conditions is risky for the person with less power; build trust first or pair across teams
Someone is likely to bring a topic involving trauma, abuse or acute crisis. The format has no room to hold that; offer one-to-one coaching or professional support
People want advice on their problem. Mirroring forbids it by design; Troika Consulting gives structured peer advice
Attendance is compulsory and people cannot opt out. Forced vulnerability produces safe, invented topics and resentment
Related methods
Frequently asked questions
What is Making Courageous Decisions?▾
Making Courageous Decisions is a workshop exercise of about 70 to 75 minutes in which people work in pairs on something important they have been avoiding. Each person speaks while the partner listens in silence, receives a mirror of what was heard, seen and felt, and then practises the sentence they fear saying and the one they fear hearing. It was written by Hubertie Kroon for the Transition Makers Toolbox.
Is it a decision-making method?▾
Not in the usual sense. It does not help a group compare options or reach agreement. It helps individuals face a decision or conversation they have been postponing by naming the fear behind the delay and rehearsing the hardest part of it.
Why does the listener stay silent and expressionless?▾
Nods, smiles and small sounds steer a speaker more than most people realise, and speakers adjust what they say to keep that approval coming. A neutral listener removes the steering, so the speaker hears their own thoughts more clearly. It feels unusual at first, which is why the facilitator should explain the purpose before the round begins.
What is the point of saying the feared sentences aloud?▾
Much of the avoidance sits in two imagined moments: saying the difficult thing and hearing the dreaded reply. Speaking and hearing those exact sentences with a supportive partner makes them familiar and usually less threatening than they were in imagination. It also gives people tested wording they can use in the real conversation.
How many people can take part?▾
The exercise is designed for around 12 people working in pairs, which keeps the group reflection and the closing round manageable. It can be run with a single pair or in one-to-one coaching. For larger groups, add a co-facilitator so that someone can support pairs who get into difficulty.
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Try it freeMethod descriptions on Workshop Weaver are original content written by our team, based on established facilitation practices. This method was inspired by work from Hubertie Kroon, Transition Makers Toolbox.